Balance

Balance...it's the hardest thing to find in my life. I think I have lost myself. I know I am not the same person I was pre-kids (for the better) but I have still lost who I am. I was a friend before I was a wife and I was a wife before I was a mother and now mother seems to be my number one role, the role that defines me.
You get married and lose a lot of your single friends because you become more of a homebody and want to spend your time as a newly-wed (lounging around the house and packing on extra weight because you're off the market now). Well it's even worse when you become a parent. You hardly ever see your friends without kids. Who wants to come to a child's birthday party when they don't have a child?? Boring! And when you're with your friends who have kids you're trading advice and asking how to get rid of a diaper rash.
There is also a feeling of guilt when you are a working mother. I work 44 hours a week and have a solid 4 hours when I get home to spend with my kids. This includes dinner time, bath time, reading time, play time, snuggle time, etc...by the time I get them to bed I am even more exhausted and I fall asleep shortly after. There have been many times where I "fake sleep" with Hudson and wake up the next morning still in his bed. Where is the Sharon time in my day? It's when I run. I love to run and just jam to my music and have alone time, Sharon time.
Do I miss going out on the weekends or grabbing a beer during happy hour? You betcha! I went out on Friday after work for a friend's birthday and felt guilty that I wasn't home with the kids. It's horrible that I feel that way. I should embrace the girl time. It was so fun to go out with adults, I haven't done that without my kids since...well I can't even remember.
I work because I have to. I work because I love to. Could I be a SAHM? I don't know, I don't have that option so I have never really thought about it. My mom was a SAHM, so that is what I saw growing up. But we are 2 very different people. I am a very independent person and love going to a job everyday that I LOVE! I love knowing that I help support my family, it is very satisfying. If (God forbid) something did happen to Jorge, I could support me and the kids and a lot of women can't say that.
I was talking to a wise friend about balance last week and she said, "Sharon don't lose who you are." It's so easy to have small children and put them before everything else. But I have to remember I wouldn't be a mother without Jorge and I wouldn't have met Jorge without having friends. So it comes back full circle.
For all you mothers out there, please take time for yourself without feeling guilty. Enjoy a day at the spa, or a matinee movie, or a beer with the girls. You work very hard and deserve to pamper yourself. I will try to take my own advice.