Months ago when Charlie Sheen was on every T.V channel, TMZ, Dateline, Entertainment Tonight, the news...etc Jorge and I got a kick out of listening to the crazy crap coming out of his mouth. It was weird, off the wall, but yet honest...I guess
When I heard he was coming to Houston I had to get tickets. I wanted to surprise Jorge, but ended up telling him 2 days later that I had bought them. I have never been the best at keeping surprises a secret.
He couldn't believe I had wasted my money on them and that was the consensus of pretty much everyone else that I told. "They were free, right?" "You paid how much for those." "You want to see that train wreck?" Yes I did. I was very curious (and so were many others, most of his shows sold out quickly).
Anyway, flash forward to April 26, the big night, Charlie Sheen live at the Verizon Wireless Theater. I was super stoked. Jorge and I have had about 2 date nights since Hudson was born. Lady Antebellum and...well maybe it has been one. Anyway, I got all sexy and Jorge got all handsome and we headed to the Verizon Wireless Theater not knowing what to expect. Previous reviews had not been good. And reviews I had read earlier that day said Charlie had been starting about 30 minutes late...what a dick move, like our time's not valuable or something.
So, we get there in what we thought was plenty of time. But there is a huge line wrapped around the building with people asking,"is this the line if you already have your tickets"...yes, this is the line (and don't try to cut, thank you).
We walk through the doors about 8:15 and Jorge goes and gets us a round of drinks (I could have bought a bottle of wine for what a small glass cost...how do they get away with such robbery?) I found our seats and we waited until about 8:30 for Charlie to make his grand entrance.
He goes through the crowds of people below and touches everyone's hands and makes his way on stage wearing an Astro's jersey (that he later gives to a woman celebrating her b-day). Underneath that he is wearing a UH t-shirt (that he later gives to a baseball player for UH who has cancer). And underneath that he is wearing his famous, "winning" t-shirt. He rants and rambles on about running for president to how it sucks getting fired. His thoughts aren't organized and neither is he...I'm sitting there hoping things can only get better, and then they do. Jeffery Ross (the Roast Master from Comedy Central) comes out on stage and welcomes all of us, the enablers, and roasts Charlie to a crisp. The roast lasted 30-45 minutes I would say. That Jeffery Ross is very quick witted, I like him:
"Charlie came to Texas thinking it was the Pone Star State"
"How do you roast a melt down?"
"If Charlie's winning we must not be talking about a custody battle"
"The only 2.5 men I know are the ones who were left in his Detroit audience"
Jorge and I were having a blast. Random women flashed their boobs in the audience and Charlie ended the show with a Q&A from the audience. The show ended a little after 10:00 and we were home about 10:30. All in all it was a great night.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
They pee standing up...and other things that piss me off about men
Men have it too easy-
I have always been envious that men can pee while standing up. Have you? Do you know how many times it would have been easier if I would have had that choice?? Pulling over on the side of the road when you know there is no gas station for miles, outside at a party when you are too lazy to go inside, drunk (well you can think of many different situations for this one). Woman have to squat in these situations and it usually runs down our leg, or even better our favorite pair of jeans (or shoes). Men just flip it out and flip it back in, what's up with that? Can you imagine men wiping after they pee? Funny mental picture isn't it? The majority of them probably don't even wash their hands. Can you imagine a lady wiping her vagina without toilet paper and not washing her hands? I think not.
The term Silver Fox-an older man with gray hair, so sexy- a little salt and pepper. A woman with gray hair is just old, there is no "endearing" term for her, old fart or old maid maybe?? I get a gray hair and freak out, frantically searching for my tweezers. Jorge gets one and I think...hmm that's kind of hot?
Men in general age better than women. We have been together for 7+ years, I have crow's feet, laugh lines and hair growing where it shouldn't. Jorge has skin like a baby's butt, no wrinkles, and he's getting hotter with age-WTH???
Fitness-We all know men and women have different metabolisms. Jorge eats a super size hamburger and french fries at midnight and loses a pound the next day. I only smelled his order while munching on some apple dippers and gained 5 pounds...how is it possible? I have been running for months trying to prepare for my 5K then my 10K. Jorge puts on running shoes a total of 3 times and beats me by 5 minutes in our 10K...what is the deal? He's like a superhero!
And don't even get me started on pregnancy and birthing a 7+ pound baby out of (well a very small space) that never quite seems to be the same. Could a man do that? Of course not! Does a man have to feel insecure while gaining all of that extra weight and adult acne and stretch marks and cellulite and having their hormones go completely out of control??? No. Do they have to have a visit from "Aunt Flo" every month? No. Do they think we are bitchy and hormonal and in reality have no idea what it's like to be a woman? yes!
Shaving and other unwanted hair is another issue I would like to discuss. Woman go in for eye brow waxes, no big deal right? How cool do you think we feel when we go in asking for a "stache" wax? Or even better, we're getting our eye brows done and the sweet Asian lady asks if we want to be "de-stached." Um..yes please. If you can notice it I guess it's time to remove it. We have to shave our legs, our arm pits and even our toes (yes, everyone shaves their big toe, don't deny it).
Is any lady out there relating to my rants?? Men have it so much easier then we do. So the next time you get in an argument with your man just remind them at least they can pee while standing up. =)
I have always been envious that men can pee while standing up. Have you? Do you know how many times it would have been easier if I would have had that choice?? Pulling over on the side of the road when you know there is no gas station for miles, outside at a party when you are too lazy to go inside, drunk (well you can think of many different situations for this one). Woman have to squat in these situations and it usually runs down our leg, or even better our favorite pair of jeans (or shoes). Men just flip it out and flip it back in, what's up with that? Can you imagine men wiping after they pee? Funny mental picture isn't it? The majority of them probably don't even wash their hands. Can you imagine a lady wiping her vagina without toilet paper and not washing her hands? I think not.
The term Silver Fox-an older man with gray hair, so sexy- a little salt and pepper. A woman with gray hair is just old, there is no "endearing" term for her, old fart or old maid maybe?? I get a gray hair and freak out, frantically searching for my tweezers. Jorge gets one and I think...hmm that's kind of hot?
Men in general age better than women. We have been together for 7+ years, I have crow's feet, laugh lines and hair growing where it shouldn't. Jorge has skin like a baby's butt, no wrinkles, and he's getting hotter with age-WTH???
Fitness-We all know men and women have different metabolisms. Jorge eats a super size hamburger and french fries at midnight and loses a pound the next day. I only smelled his order while munching on some apple dippers and gained 5 pounds...how is it possible? I have been running for months trying to prepare for my 5K then my 10K. Jorge puts on running shoes a total of 3 times and beats me by 5 minutes in our 10K...what is the deal? He's like a superhero!
And don't even get me started on pregnancy and birthing a 7+ pound baby out of (well a very small space) that never quite seems to be the same. Could a man do that? Of course not! Does a man have to feel insecure while gaining all of that extra weight and adult acne and stretch marks and cellulite and having their hormones go completely out of control??? No. Do they have to have a visit from "Aunt Flo" every month? No. Do they think we are bitchy and hormonal and in reality have no idea what it's like to be a woman? yes!
Shaving and other unwanted hair is another issue I would like to discuss. Woman go in for eye brow waxes, no big deal right? How cool do you think we feel when we go in asking for a "stache" wax? Or even better, we're getting our eye brows done and the sweet Asian lady asks if we want to be "de-stached." Um..yes please. If you can notice it I guess it's time to remove it. We have to shave our legs, our arm pits and even our toes (yes, everyone shaves their big toe, don't deny it).
Is any lady out there relating to my rants?? Men have it so much easier then we do. So the next time you get in an argument with your man just remind them at least they can pee while standing up. =)
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