Married With Children

I have recently been hanging out with D.I.N.K (dual income no kids) couples and I wanted to share the vast difference between them and me. If you don't have children you probably won't find this comical or even relate. If you do have children and don't relate maybe I am just weird (er) than I thought.
1. My friend, *Whitney has the most amazing bras and underwear I have ever seen. They are the pretty Victoria Secret silky, lacy, hand wash only kind. I have the Hanes Her Way grandma panties with holes in them and a (one) white bra with under wire that doesn't even mold to the shape of my breasts anymore. After hanging out with her I cleaned out my underwear drawer and have been left with one pair...I must go shopping soon.
2. Another friend, *Rebecca told me she has the most amazing sex life. She said she can't even be on top, because he is, and I quote, "too big." WOW!! I'm sure they have a very active sex life and I am extremely happy for them. However, when you have 2 small children you want to sleep in your "free" time not do the nasty. Every month I pray that I start my period for 2 reasons:
#1 it means that I am not pregnant again, whew!
#2 it means I have a legitimate excuse to not have sex for a few days. There's only so many times you can tell your husband you are tired without him getting pissed off at you. And if you're really lucky he won't remember if you've already had your period that month and you can"pull that card" twice.
3. Their (friends w/o kids) ability to "hang" is also amazing. They can run on no sleep and don't require naps. I stay up past 10 p.m and I am dragging ass the next day. If I stay up and drink it is even WORSE. Why? Because I can't sleep off hangovers anymore. I have a 3 year old (literally) alarm clock who comes in my room every morning at 7, like clock work and says, "mommy it's not dark anymore, I'm awake!" I can't wait until he's a teenager and realizes that it's okay to sleep even when it's "sunny" outside.
I partied with a friend for her birthday recently until 5:30 in the morning and still woke up at 7:30 because that's my "mental alarm clock." What kind of crap is that? I can't catch a break. I felt like shit until about 2 p.m. While my friend, *Whitney, felt like a champion.
Look at the time, it's 2:41 time for a nap....

*Names have been changed to protect friend's identities.