That was a phrase that I chanted back in middle school while my arms were locked across each other as I was squeezing my arms...where the hell did it come from you ask, I have no idea. It was probably something my older brothers encouraged me to say in hopes of enlarging my "breast buds." That is what they referred to them as. I guess because they hadn't blossomed into "real" breasts yet. One of the 101 reasons it was so awesome having 2 older brothers...(sarcasm). I'm not sure what was better their endless unwanted comments about my body, or them holding me down trying to put snuff in my lip...sorry I didn't mean to get off topic.
Anyway, I remember going to Wal-Mart when I was about 10 years old with my mom and picking out my first bra(s), one was pink and the other one was blue. They were training bras (no under wire or anything fancy), and I thought they were wonderful. I was so excited about wearing them! Fast forward to high school when I reached first base and my boyfriend caressed my breast. I thought it was so exciting. Even though I was barely an A cup...it was the excitement of the whole thing. I have never been much larger than an A cup. During the end of high school through my college years I was a full B (but that's because I was about 40 pounds heavier than I am now, so obviously some of that weight stuck around in my chest area). Even when my milk came in I was a large B (maybe a small small C) Since then I have lost weight, breast fed 2 children (for a combination of 12 months) and lost even more weight...now I have sockets, empty bags where my breasts were and should be now. There are a few benefits of having no breasts. When I was 10 it was exciting to wear a bra, now that I am 29 that's the first thing that comes off when I get home from work (and somethings I don't even wear one..shhh) I'm only half kidding. I don't wear one when "it's included" in my outfit, you know the built in camis for example. Ok, so not having to wear a bra is a pro...even when I run I don't need one, not sure if that is a good practice, but regardless it's still a pro in my book.
And that's the only pro I can think of. A friend of mine texted me a picture of her breasts the other day (sounds weird when I write that, but she's one of my bffs and I literally laughed out loud). My reply was "hold on and I'll text you a picture of my nipples.) Yes, I look like a 12 year old boy when I lift up my arms. It's not exciting to have them caressed anymore because a year ago Mia was sucking on them for hours a day. Since my breasts have fed children it's hard to think about them pre-baby, pre-nourishment. Hopefully other women reading this can relate.
So, what am I suppose to do? Be thankful that I'm saving all this money because I don't have to buy bras, or invest in a chest? I don't want anything extravagant, large B maybe. I just want more than nipples. Jorge says if I am going to get implants, then I need to really get implants...typical man. I don't think Pamela Anderson's breasts would look normal on my frame, and I don't want them banging me in the head when I run. What do you think? Is it a must to increase my bust?
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Monday, November 21, 2011
Running Girl
Ahhh vacation, I finally get to catch up on my blogging. This entry is not only about running, it's about dedication. About 2 months after Mia was born I took up running. I had never ran a day in my life...well I tried out for 8th grade track (800 meter), but my knocked knees didn't get me too far and I didn't even last the entire season.
People always tell me I walk fast, "mall walker" fast, (okay maybe faster than that). A friend of mine at work even calls me Speedy Gonzales, but I couldn't run half a mile to save my life. Here I am over a year later and I have ran 5ks, 10ks and I just ran 10.5 miles last weekend in preparation for my first half marathon next month!! I couldn't believe it, I didn't stop once. My legs felt like jello afterward, and I still feel like I have been hit by a mac truck, but I did it!!! When will my legs stop being so sore from it...I wonder.
Running is my me time. I didn't even know what "me" time was until I had children. Every minute of every day was me time. I could start drinking happy hour with friends at 3:30, I could take a 2 hour nap on the weekend if I wanted too, I could shop (and not just online). Now, I can't even go to the restroom without Hudson asking me what I am doing, and Mia standing there watching me. When I run I jam out to some Ke$ha just loudly enough so I can still hear my feet hitting the pavement and all of my endless thoughts running through my mind. I can run off those greasy beef enchiladas and chips and salsa and not feel so guilty about eating some more the next day.
I wish I would have picked up this habit before I was 29 years, but like they say, "better late than never." I don't know how long I will continue to run. But it is addicting, and I love to eat. So I have a feeling I will be a running girl for awhile.
People always tell me I walk fast, "mall walker" fast, (okay maybe faster than that). A friend of mine at work even calls me Speedy Gonzales, but I couldn't run half a mile to save my life. Here I am over a year later and I have ran 5ks, 10ks and I just ran 10.5 miles last weekend in preparation for my first half marathon next month!! I couldn't believe it, I didn't stop once. My legs felt like jello afterward, and I still feel like I have been hit by a mac truck, but I did it!!! When will my legs stop being so sore from it...I wonder.
Running is my me time. I didn't even know what "me" time was until I had children. Every minute of every day was me time. I could start drinking happy hour with friends at 3:30, I could take a 2 hour nap on the weekend if I wanted too, I could shop (and not just online). Now, I can't even go to the restroom without Hudson asking me what I am doing, and Mia standing there watching me. When I run I jam out to some Ke$ha just loudly enough so I can still hear my feet hitting the pavement and all of my endless thoughts running through my mind. I can run off those greasy beef enchiladas and chips and salsa and not feel so guilty about eating some more the next day.
I wish I would have picked up this habit before I was 29 years, but like they say, "better late than never." I don't know how long I will continue to run. But it is addicting, and I love to eat. So I have a feeling I will be a running girl for awhile.
Friday, September 16, 2011
A parent's worse nightmare
Sunday, September 11, Hudson woke up from his nap at 4:00 with a 103 degree fever so we gave him some medicine. Our friends and his play date were already on their way over so when they arrived he played with Kaleb like he always does (he loves him). Our friends left that night and the next morning before work I checked Hud's temp at 6:00 and it was still 103, so I gave him some medicine and put a cool wash cloth over his head and rechecked it at 8:00, by then it was 100. I stayed home that morning and went into work at 11. Hud's fever had broken by then and he looked fine. Jorge stayed home with him and his fever came and went throughout the day.
Hud went to bed that night at 8 and Jorge slept with him to keep an eye on him. At 3:30 that morning I hear Jorge yelling, "he's not moving, he's not breathing." He had had a seizure. He had carried Hudson to the hallway and he looked dead. He was lifeless with his eyes closed and it wasn't responding to his name or us. Jorge started CPR and I called 911. It was like a movie, me yelling to 911 my address and phone number and having to repeat it because I was talking too fast. I told them my 3 year old boy wasn't breathing and to hurry. The operator tried to get me to remain calm and I remember telling Jorge you can do it babe! I lifted Hud's arm and it flopped down-he looked pale. I tried to give him CPR I could feel his breath and saw his chest moving, but he still wasn't responding to us. The ambulance arrived in 12 mins (I know that because I looked at how long I had been on the phone). It felt like forever. He came to the top of the stairs and carried Hud down, by the time they got outside Hudson opened his eyes!! They asked us if we wanted them to take him to the ER, but we said we would take him.
So, at 3:30 that morning we took him to Northeast Memorial Hermann. They checked his vitals then moved us into a room for 2.5 hours where they did NOTHING. A PA came in there and checked his ears and throat and then the doctor came in there and said he had had a feribral seizure caused by high fever. He still had a fever when we arrived, yet while we were there they did NO tests or took and blood...NOTHING. We discharged ourselves around 5:30 that morning and went to our pediatrician appointment that we already had scheduled for that morning at 10:00. It wasn't Hud's doctor, but it was in the same building because ours was booked. He checked his vitals and thought he was getting an ear infection in his right ear (even though the 2 previous doctors at 5:00 that morning didn't say that). He put him on some antibiotics and wanted to get some blood work done. So, we went to Quest on Wednesday and took some blood. They called me Thursday afternoon and said Hud had Leukopenia (a very low white blood cell count). A normal range would have been 5-7,000 and his was 1,000. They also said he was dehydrated. They wanted us to go to the Children's Hospital downtown for further testing. I am crying, thinking this can't be happening. I call my mom and Jorge and we pick up Hud and take him downtown. We arrive at 4:00 and aren't seen by a doctor until 8:30 (FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER!!) He is confused as to why we even had blood work done for low white cell count in the first place and tells us that Hud looks fine, he's just got a viral infection. He didn't know how they would know Hud was dehydrated if they didn't do a urine test. He reassured us that Hud seemed by (just by looking at him, again NO tests). I told him that I waited 4.5 hours for a doctor so I expected some kind of relief. He said he could do a blood test again but we might not like the results because he was sick and they could still be low. He also said he could do an Electrolyte test to see if he seemed dehydrated. We decided against the tests. By this time it was past 10, Hud was asleep, we were exhausted and initially he didn't seem to think we needed further testing. We told him we would get the blood work done with our doctor later this week. We discharged ourselves and got home around 11:30.
I wake up the next morning and the nurse had called upset that we didn't get any more tests done last night and wanted us to go get more blood work done this morning. I explained to her what had happened and she still encouraged the blood work. So, I woke Hud up this morning and 9 and we went and got more blood work and are currently waiting for the results.
Thank you everyone who has been praying for us. This has been a very stressful time in our lives. They say the loss of a children is the greatest loss. Jorge and I were closer to that feeling then I ever thought we would be. Seeing Hud lying there lifeless was the most difficult thing I have ever seen or experienced. I NEVER thought we would go through that. For those of you reading this who have experienced the same thing I know you understand.
I look at my children in a completely different way now. He has been sleeping with us and I have been watching him sleep. I never thought watching someone breathe could feel sooooo good.
Hud went to bed that night at 8 and Jorge slept with him to keep an eye on him. At 3:30 that morning I hear Jorge yelling, "he's not moving, he's not breathing." He had had a seizure. He had carried Hudson to the hallway and he looked dead. He was lifeless with his eyes closed and it wasn't responding to his name or us. Jorge started CPR and I called 911. It was like a movie, me yelling to 911 my address and phone number and having to repeat it because I was talking too fast. I told them my 3 year old boy wasn't breathing and to hurry. The operator tried to get me to remain calm and I remember telling Jorge you can do it babe! I lifted Hud's arm and it flopped down-he looked pale. I tried to give him CPR I could feel his breath and saw his chest moving, but he still wasn't responding to us. The ambulance arrived in 12 mins (I know that because I looked at how long I had been on the phone). It felt like forever. He came to the top of the stairs and carried Hud down, by the time they got outside Hudson opened his eyes!! They asked us if we wanted them to take him to the ER, but we said we would take him.
So, at 3:30 that morning we took him to Northeast Memorial Hermann. They checked his vitals then moved us into a room for 2.5 hours where they did NOTHING. A PA came in there and checked his ears and throat and then the doctor came in there and said he had had a feribral seizure caused by high fever. He still had a fever when we arrived, yet while we were there they did NO tests or took and blood...NOTHING. We discharged ourselves around 5:30 that morning and went to our pediatrician appointment that we already had scheduled for that morning at 10:00. It wasn't Hud's doctor, but it was in the same building because ours was booked. He checked his vitals and thought he was getting an ear infection in his right ear (even though the 2 previous doctors at 5:00 that morning didn't say that). He put him on some antibiotics and wanted to get some blood work done. So, we went to Quest on Wednesday and took some blood. They called me Thursday afternoon and said Hud had Leukopenia (a very low white blood cell count). A normal range would have been 5-7,000 and his was 1,000. They also said he was dehydrated. They wanted us to go to the Children's Hospital downtown for further testing. I am crying, thinking this can't be happening. I call my mom and Jorge and we pick up Hud and take him downtown. We arrive at 4:00 and aren't seen by a doctor until 8:30 (FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER!!) He is confused as to why we even had blood work done for low white cell count in the first place and tells us that Hud looks fine, he's just got a viral infection. He didn't know how they would know Hud was dehydrated if they didn't do a urine test. He reassured us that Hud seemed by (just by looking at him, again NO tests). I told him that I waited 4.5 hours for a doctor so I expected some kind of relief. He said he could do a blood test again but we might not like the results because he was sick and they could still be low. He also said he could do an Electrolyte test to see if he seemed dehydrated. We decided against the tests. By this time it was past 10, Hud was asleep, we were exhausted and initially he didn't seem to think we needed further testing. We told him we would get the blood work done with our doctor later this week. We discharged ourselves and got home around 11:30.
I wake up the next morning and the nurse had called upset that we didn't get any more tests done last night and wanted us to go get more blood work done this morning. I explained to her what had happened and she still encouraged the blood work. So, I woke Hud up this morning and 9 and we went and got more blood work and are currently waiting for the results.
Thank you everyone who has been praying for us. This has been a very stressful time in our lives. They say the loss of a children is the greatest loss. Jorge and I were closer to that feeling then I ever thought we would be. Seeing Hud lying there lifeless was the most difficult thing I have ever seen or experienced. I NEVER thought we would go through that. For those of you reading this who have experienced the same thing I know you understand.
I look at my children in a completely different way now. He has been sleeping with us and I have been watching him sleep. I never thought watching someone breathe could feel sooooo good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
